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Nov 3, 1998: - This has not been a very good day. We're behind schedule at work so I was forced to hire temporary help and now our temp has called in sick for the last two days. What luck. I tried to get to the bottom of her absence but nobody would tell me - all the ladies would say was she was having 'personal problems.' But that wasn't good enough, so I called Fred and asked if he knew what was going on with Rosie, our temp. He came in, closed the door behind him and that's when I knew it was gonna be an interesting story. Fred explained:
"It seems as though Rosie and her boyfriend, Chuck, were invited to a swanky masked Halloween Party. But right before they were to go, Rosie got a terrible backache and told Chuck to go on to the party alone. He protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed so there was no need of his good time being spoiled by her not going. To please her, he took his costume and went to the party alone.
Rosie, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, awakened without pain, and since it was still early, she decided to go to the party too. In as much as Chuck didn't know what her costume was, (she went as Monica Lewinsky) she thought she could have a little fun by watching him. She planned to see just how he acted when she was not with him.
She joined the party and immediately spotted Chuck in his costume cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice chick he could, and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there. Rosie moved up to him and appearing rather seductive herself, he left his partner high and dry and devoted his time to the new stuff that had just arrived. She let him go as far as he wished; after all, he was her part-time-live-in.
Finally, Chuck whispered a little proposition in her ear and Rosie agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and had a little bang. Just before unmasking at midnight though, Rosie slipped away and went home. She hid her costume and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make for his repulsive behavior.
She was sitting up reading when he came in. She asked what kind of a time he had. He said, "Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you're not there." Then she asked, "Did you dance much?" He replied, "I'll tell you, I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill, Rick and some other guys, so we went into the den and played poker all evening. But I'll tell you what......the guy I loaned my costume to, Dave, well, he had a fabulous time!"
It seems Rosie became deathly ill about right then. To make matters worse, Chuck put two and two together. So now, Rosie's really stressed out and can't work," Fred concluded with a grin on his face.
I was shocked. I could only think, 'Why me?' And Fred thinks this is funny....I guess he thinks we work at the White House.
I kissed the $70 million good bye. They called the wrong numbers. Oh well, at least it's up to $14 million and that'll be plenty. I studied hard. My winners are: (1) 3-6-26-29-31-39; (2) 7-10-16-23-32-39; (3) 19-20-27-29-39-46; (4) 1-7-13-24-30-31; (5) 1-10-21-23-46-50. My Cash 5 numbers are: (1) 1-4-21-25-26; (2) 4-10-24-33-39; (3) 8-9-12-22-26.
Rosie will probably try to convince Chuck that she did this just to get even for what she 'thought' he had done. It's obvious to me - she suffers from anxiety and needs liagra.
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Oct 6, 1998: - Clinton got me out of a jam today and I'm just gloating. But Oh Lordy, is the wife ever irritated. Ahh, who cares....she provokes me all the time. I did good. Listen to how I got out of this one.
When I came in today, I was greeted by the wife with, "Come here Charlie, we need to talk." She sounded bossy and I felt trouble nearby.
But, being such an an easy going guy, I just said, "OK. What's up?"
She said, "There's a scratch down the side of my car. Did you do it?"
I hesitated - then said, "I don't believe, if I understand the definition of "scratch the car" that I can say, truthfully, that I scratched your car."
The wife replied, "Well, it wasn't there yesterday, and you drove my car last night, and no one else has driven it since. So, how can you explain the scratch on my car?"
"Well, as I said before, I have no recollection of scratching your car. While it is true that I did drive your car, I did not scratch it," I answered.
"But Tammy told me she saw you back the car against the mailbox at the end of the driveway, heard a loud scraping sound, saw you get out and examine the car, and then drive away. So, again I'll ask you, yes or no, did you scratch my car?" she exclaimed.
I said, "Oh, you mean you think you have evidence to prove I scratched it.Well, you see, I understood you to mean did "I" scratch your car. I stand by my earlier statement, that I did not scratch your car."
The wife, getting angrier by the second said, "Are you trying to tell me that you didn't drive my car into the mailbox?"
I explained, "Well, you see, I was trying to drive the car into the street. I mishandled the steering of the car, and it resulted in direct contact with the mailbox, though that was clearly never my intent."
In frustration she said, "So, you're saying you did hit the mailbox?"
I said , "No, that IS not my statement. I'll refer you back to my original statement that I did not scratch the car."
Then she asked, "But my car did hit the mailbox, and the car did get scratched as a result of this contact? Did it not?"
I admitted, "Well, I suppose you could look at it that way."
She said, "So you lied to me when you said you didn't scratch my car?"
Emphatically I replied, "No. No, that's not correct. Your question was "Did I scratch the car?" From a strict legal definition, as I understood the meaning of that sentence, I did not scratch the car.... the mailbox did. I was merely present when the scratching occurred. So my answer of "No" when you asked, "Did I scratch the car" was legally correct, although I did not volunteer any additional information to you."
In disgust she asked, "Where did you learn to be such a smart aleck?"
To which I replied with a grin, "From the President of the U.S."
The conversation ended - I won and she's enraged. Good for me.
Well, I've been getting so close lately. It doesn't seem right that my numbers haven't come out yet. But you can rest assured, I'm gonna win - you'll see. I've studied hard this time - my winning numbers are: (1) 3-6-14-29-32-48; (2) 1-8-10-26-38-39; (3) 2-19-20-29-32-38; (4) 2-10-12-17-23-50; (5) 1-3-8-34-49-50. My winning Cash 5 numbers are: (1) 7-13-20-22-38; (2) 6-13-26-29-37; (3) 2-7-8-17-25.
I think I'll wait til tomorrow to tell the wife that I'll fix her car. The longer she stews, the prouder I am of myself. I just love annoying her.
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Sept 8, 1998: - I'm determined to win the Lotto. While I was figuring my numbers today, I came up with a genius theory that I believe could make me a very rich man. But, as usual, I needed additional information so I called and asked (begged) Dawn Nettles to meet with me so I could get the data. I knew she'd have it at her fingertips.
When I arrived at her house - her office is in her home - I visited with Perry, her husband, first. He's really a neat guy - he's my pilot buddy that I'm always talking about. I wish I could figure out why the good Lord is punishing Perry like he's punishing me. You know, by being stuck with Dawn and all. I promised him that when I win the Lotto we'll run away and leave the women behind. He said, "Great."
Anyway, I saw Dawn's parrot and started playing with him while I was waiting to see her. That's when Perry warned me to beware. Then, he explained what happened between he and Sam, their bird.
Perry said Dawn got Sam for her birthday last year. He said that when she's around, Sam's a perfect, well behaved and well mannered bird. But, Perry said, when Dawn's gone, the bird has a bad attitude, screams, bites and he has a most embarrassing vocabulary. Perry said, "Every other word that bird says to me is an expletive and if he isn't using expletives, then he is, to say the least, rude. I hate that bird."
Perry went on, "I honestly tried changing the bird's attitude by saying polite things to him. I've played soft music for him and I've been patient with him. Then, I tried yelling at the bird but the bird only got worse - then I shook the bird, but the bird just became more angry and more rude."
Perry continued, "Finally, yesterday, the bird got the best of me. He was being so ugly that I lost my patience. I grabbed him and threw him in the freezer to shut him up. For a few minutes, I heard him squawking, kicking and screaming then, all of a sudden, there was total quiet."
Perry went on, "That's when I got scared and thought that I may have actually hurt him so I immediately opened the freezer door. Sam calmly stepped out onto my arm and said, 'I'm sorry that I've offended you with my language and my actions so I'm asking for your forgiveness. I will endeavor to correct my behavior effective right now.'"
Perry said, "I was astounded at his sudden change of attitude, and I was just about to ask what had made such a drastic change when Sam said, 'By the way, may I ask what the chicken did?'"
It took a second for me to register what the bird said and meant, then I was amazed. I said, "Perry, you're pulling my leg." He said, "No, I'm not. I'm telling you the story like it was. This really happened."
He seemed serious but then Dawn came in so I had to shut up.
Well, I've got new theories and additional information now. I honestly believe I'm gonna win the Lotto. On 8-15-98, I won a measly $3 with 11-29-46 but I'm fixin' to win millions. My winning numbers are: (1) 1-3-7-20-43-49; (2) 1-4-8-10-33-43; (3) 1-3-10-12-19-46; (4) 1-7-9-18-33-39; (5) 3-16-32-34-38-39. My winning Cash 5 numbers are: (1) 13-17-21-29-30; (2) 1-4-20-26-37; (3) 5-7-11-16-31.
I've gotta go back and make Perry tell me the truth about Sam. I'm sure he's playing me for a fool. I wonder why everyone picks on me?
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June 2, 1998: I just finished reviewing everything regarding "Texas Million," the new game that began last Friday night. If I play this game too, I'll end up d-i-v-o-r-c-e-d ........ as Tammy Wynette once sang.
The wife already raises cain over what I spend now plus she says I've got a gambling problem. But I disagree. I only spend $5 every Wed. and Sat. and $3 every Tues. and Fri. That's $32 every two weeks and $64 per month - hardly justifiable of being considered a problem. The wife spends that much every week on hair-do's, nails and hose. When I remind her of this she says, "Well, at least I have something to show for my money. What do you have Charlie?" That's when I said, "Show me what you've got to show for MY money?" Invariably, she just gets mad.
Anyway, I don't think I'm gonna play the new game. Since I rarely (or never) match 3 or 4 numbers in the Lotto or Cash 5 which only have 50 and 39 numbers, how can I possibly expect to match 4 numbers out of 100 numbers in Texas Million?? (Odds are 1 in 3,921,225.)
Lets look at it. Each game costs $2. For $2, we select one set of 4 numbers (or buy a quick pick), then the machine is gonna give us 6 more sets of numbers for free??!! (Yeah, right.) Then, the 7 sets of numbers are divided into 3 groups - indicative of differential pay amounts.
Now, if all 4 numbers match in the first group, which consists only of our original set of 4 numbers, then we win $1 million - provided, of course, there's not more than 10 winners. (I suspicion there won't be.)
The second group consists of 2 sets of 4 numbers. If we match all four numbers from a set in this group, we'll win $25,000. The third group consists of 4 sets of numbers and if all four numbers match from this group, then we'll win $10,000.
On the other hand, if we match 3 numbers in any set, we win $300; if we match 2 numbers in any set, we win $10. If we match one number, we lose $2. And if nobody wins 4 of 4, there's no rollover.
So, to compare. If we spend $2 and match 3 of 3 numbers in the Pick3, we win $160, $580 or $1000 and, we only have to pick from zero(0) thru nine (9). (It's really 30 numbers and very difficult to win.) There's no chance of winning a million dollars but, I like winning $1000 for my $2. Odds are 1 in 1000, 1 in 333 or 1 in 167 in the Pick3.
The hype on Texas Million is that for only $2, you get 7 chances to win. But the truth is, for that $2, we only get one chance to win a million dollars and I don't think the odds are in my favor one-iotaaaa.
I've gotta be sensible - for me to pick 4 numbers out of 100 is gonna be tough. I have a hard enough time matching 4 out of 50 numbers or 4 out of 39 numbers - so how can I possibly believe I'm gonna match 4 or even 3 out of 100 numbers? So, since I want to win millions, not hundreds or tens, my intelligence tells me to pass on playing this game.
Oh Lord, it's hard to be humble when you're as smart as me.
Well, I didn't win a dime this last time. But I've studied hard and I know I got 'em right. The $45 million is mine! My winners are: (1) 1-31-33-44-46-50; (2) 4-10-21-33-46-50; (3) 1-17-21-30-33-35; (4) 1-4-11-21-30-50; (5) 1-3-31-43-44-50. My Cash 5 numbers are: (1) 9-16-20-30-37; (2) 6-15-26-27-32; (3) 8-27-32-34-37.
And the wife thinks I have no common sense. Imagine that.
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